re: 12 Reasons to Laugh Your Way to Good Health

grulla — 12/11/2018 9:17:08 AM

OK, I'll bite. You're An EXTREME Redneck When:............................................. .........

1) You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2) The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3) You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws

4) You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5) You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean

6) Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'

7) You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8) Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9) Your junior prom offered child care.

10) You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.'

11) You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded...right off its wheels.

12) The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13) You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14) One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15) You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16) You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17) You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk

re: 12 Reasons to Laugh Your Way to Good Health

grulla — 12/11/2018 9:07:44 AM

An aphorism is a statement of truth or opinion expressed in a concise and witty manner. The term is often applied to philosophical, moral and literary principles.

1. I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

2. l find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom...until they are flashing behind you.

3. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

4. Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

5. America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

6. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

7. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

8. They say that money talks .. but all mine ever says is good-bye.

9. So you've put on a few pounds. You're not fat, you're just easier to see.

10. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

11. I have always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"

12. I can't understand why women are OK that JC Penney has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."

13. Denny's has a slogan, "If it's your birthday, the meal is on us." If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday, your life sucks!

14. The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

15. I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

16. Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

17. The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest Floyd, Howard, continued