How Caregivers Can Cope With Stress

re: How Caregivers Can Cope With Stress

mirandola — 2/9/2020 3:03:54 AM

About dying at home vs a nursing home: The assumption with a nursing home is that nurses are available 24/7. It is in in my family member's experience, part true, and in part not. They have way too many people to care for all at once. At the last moments of my mother's passing, the nurses said point blanc, "we can't sit by her bedside". Having home care is far more attentive in the end. I do believe that a person dying at home, needs skilled nursing care alongside the loving care of family members.

My mother's MD/friend who was with us at Mom's last passing moments, stressed that a dying person feels heated, dry, we kept giving her moist sponges on a lollipop stick provided by the nursing home, to suck on. Every time we did, my mother's face relaxed visibly. We put moist washcloths to her forehead, again one could see her relax. She may not have been able to speak, but her facial cues were clearly visible. Whether someone else needs warmth instead of cool and moist, is a question to ask the patient's doctor. Watch for facial cues, if the dying person is not in a coma. Even the comatose may provide cues. WIth another family member we saw changes in breathing as we sang, even when our family member was in semi-coma. The spirit knows and responds! We must always remember that, and act accordingly.

I must say it was not fun to be with Mom at the moment of dying, in some ways it was traumatic, but then again I am very glad that we were with her. I can't recommend dying alone, after watching my mother pass away. It just is way too inhumane, to die in a hospital and not have someone to hold your hand, say loving things, sing to you, etc. Our model of health care, needs to change from addressing merely the physical alone, to the spiritual/emotional as well as the physical. Love heals. Share your love with your dying loved one. It is the withholding of words of love that we can later regret. Live love, live fully, this is the purpose of life, at its core essence. Blessing

re: How Caregivers Can Cope With Stress

mirandola — 2/9/2020 2:55:22 AM

I can relate. This is exactly what happened as my parent just passed on. The fatigue, whopper, drained....lasted over a month thereafter. But she had such an amazing attitude, that I want to share with others. It made it so much easier for the whole family to deal with her dying, and it also can inspire others, or so I hope.

Quotes:

"I don't want to live long, I want to live *well!* " (emphasized the word "Well"), very wise!

"I am not afraid to meet my maker"

"We will talk about everything, we will not leave one stone unturned"

"I think every human being is amazing"

"Never question who you are or what you do"

"I have a choice, to look at the positive or to look at the negative. I make the positive choice".

She twinkled her positivity, beaming at those in wheelchairs and saying "Well helllllooooo Dear", she loved the trees growing outside her window, she twinkled at the nurses, she just held unremittingly positive attitudes to her last 24 hours.

We saw a rainbow manifest in front of our very eyes as we sat at a red light, waiting to see her. It pulsed in three stages, lighter, darker, darker, while we watched. Absolutely incredible! It started across the block and arched over the nursing home. Then we saw another one the next day, misty, ethereal. Both were symbols to us, that the hand of God was in this. Then I had a dream, of a very peaceful spirit saying "I am going to guide her home". I told her, and she echoed that she too, had a dream of an angel that would guide her home, and "I already met it in my dreams". We both, to stress, had the same dream, and hers came first! When a person dies, we have to remember, that while the physical aspect is morose, the spiritual aspect is a rebirth into the world of peace, beauty and Spirit. We must focus on that and cling to that image. Blessings and be well.

PS when a person dies a natural death, we learn to value the important things in life and to live more fully. Something to ponder and live as best we can, daily.